Back on October 13, 2008, Rachel told you her story of "The Visitor".
Didn't tell you at the time, but I was jealous...proverbally "green with envy".
That feeling, however, was far outweighed by another sentiment...deep-seated guilt. A year after Julie's passing and Rachel's "visiting" with her big sister. I, on the other hand, nothing...not one dream of the woman who was my wife...the woman who was/is my life. I'm not talking of not having a dream about Julie that day or week...I'm talking the entire year!
What did that mean?
How can a person not dream about their lost loved one??
What does it say about that person???
I think about Julie daily...several times daily. I visit her grave site almost daily. I pray to God to let me "go home". Hell, I TALK to Julie daily! (My friends, rest easy. Julie hasn't answered...yet.)
So, why can't I dream about Julie...visualize the face of the person who was/is everything to me?
In short, what the hell is wrong with me?
Well, maybe some psychiatrist or psychologist will tune into this website, take pity on me, and let me know...for a reasonable fee. In the meantime, I'll just keep leaning on you guys.
Uh oh...WHINER ALERT! Thirteen days into the new year and he's already breaking his vows!! So much for Ron's New Year's Resolution!!!
I beg to differ.
I was simply providing "background", and, yes, my "background" has definitely been "whiney".
But, this is 2009...January 13th, to be exact...3 months after Rachel had her "visitor".
Today, it was my turn to be blessed.
Am I sad...am I gonna whine about loss?
To answer that question, I'll simply "forward" you the e-mail I just sent to three friends whom I have leaned on heavily over the past 15 months (and before.)
If you think the baggage that you have carried by visiting this site has been heavy, walk in the shoes of these fellow travelers who have been called upon to carry the additional burdens of many private laments.
Therefore, upon awakening this morning, I felt it only fair to share my good news with them, to let them know that they could take a break today.
Ronnie's had a visitor...
From: Ron Newell
Date: 1/13/2009 8:45:36 AM
To: D; K; R
Subject: I had a dream...
For the first time since...
...wonder what it means.
Except for a brief phone call, it was positive...energy, renewed health, couldn't slow her down.
After 15 months of nothing, it was nice.
Just wanted to share...
PS: The brief phone call was toward the end...somebody had called to tip her off that the school district was going to try to stop her from returning...she was going to have to pay back two years of salary for them having to hire someone to replace her.
PPS: My response...anger, of course, turning to immediate laughter...telling Julie..."F*** them. Don't go back...I don't want you to go back!"
PPPS: Of course, I was still mad, but when I woke up, my first thought was "She's retired...we don't have to worry about this."
PPPPS: After typing that last line, I think I've figured out the dream...typical anxiety dream...prelims to tonight's negotiations.
PPPPPS: Well, don't know if you CATs will get anything out of negotiations tonight, but I sure did! I made out like a bandit!!!