In the Pink Too

Who knew?

Until 7:45 p.m., the title of this "anniversary" post was going to be:

The intent of that title being to mark the occasion of Julie's passing on October 19, 2007...and assess my state of mind at this juncture.


At three years on...

I think I can truthfully say that I've reached that point when normal people "let it go" and, well, "move on". I think I have achieved that final stage of grief..."acceptance". I even have the testimony of a friend who acknowledged a couple of months back that I was "muddling through".

For a person who has struggled with chronic depression since the late teens or early twenties - MY teens or early twenties, NOT the 1913-1929 era! - that is, in my humble opinion, quite an accomplishment.

I'm still active in the local teachers' union...thanks to a school district administration seemingly intent on self-destruction. (Talk about refusing to "let it go"!) The nation-wide assault on public education and its teachers keeps my blood a-pumpin'...prompting almost daily rants on my CAT Tracks website. I've been watching DVDs of old TV series that I missed during "my living years"...when regularly scheduled TV-viewing was impossible. I've read a ton of books and, on rare occasions, even dine with fellow retirees.

Miss work...miss school?

Not one damn day!

The teaching was no longer fun and most of my "peers" had left before me. The "chemistry" just wasn't the same anymore. It was time to pass the torch...

I only have the one regret...the one well documented in this website...that Julie and I were unable to share our "golden years" together. Strike that...we were unable to share our "retirement years" together! We had 35 golden years together...living over half of them with the full knowledge of what was likely to be.

We knew...

So again...I do believe that I have reached "acceptance".


Now..."moving on"?

Ain't makin' no promises on that one...moving on is not what I do. Julie was "the dancer"...Julie was the social bee...Julie was the risk-taker. Me? I'm the old stick-in-the-mud...before and even "during Julie". If Julie A. Newell couldn't break my stubborn-as-a-mule/Newell ways, don't expect a miracle when left to my own devices.

When I retired in 2008, I borrowed a song written by John Lennon recalling a five-year absence when he "retired" from the music scene in the mid-1970s (a song released in 1980, only a few weeks before he was murdered.) John answered friends and fans who couldn't believe that he could be happy "doing what he was doing". The song is "Watching the Wheels" and captures my current mood completely:

My favorite line...20 years ago and now:

Morbid?

I dunno...probably....for "normal people".

But...

I can truthfully say that that "state of mind" was mine long before October 19, 2007...before I met Julie Ann Marie Jones.


Talk about a digression...

That's what happens when you don't post an entry for a while...the mind wanders back over month's of "material".

Back on task...


Back in December 2008, I discovered "Pink" and posted one of her songs...with the title of "The Book"...Who Knew?, quipping that it would be the theme song of the movie surely to be based upon "The Book".

Well, a few months ago, I had a thought (yeah, few and far between)...that since it gave the "three year" timeline...for being "long gone", well, I'd "cop out" and simply re-post. That would save us all from a lot of turmoil...

Well, that was the plan...until early this month when another John Lennon song intervened.

This past October 9th would have been John's 60th birthday. There were television specials galore. A new album was released featuring acoustic versions of some of his hits, which I dutifully bought and played. They weren't as good as the originals, of course. (If they had been, they would have been released instead!) However, they brought back memories...

One of the songs was always a favorite of mine, although I have to admit being among the vast majority of Lennon fans who were not big fans of wife, Yoko Ono. My problem was NOT with the marriage. My problem was with Yoko's fingernails-on-the-chalkboard voice! Adoring husband that he was, John would not give in to critics. On the album "Double Fantasy" (the very one released just prior to his death) the song tracks alternated...John, Yoko, John, Yoko, etc. And THAT was in the days of vinyl!!! You couldn't do like you do now and program your player to skip certain tracks and play only the others. Nope...John, Yoko, John, Yoko, etc...unless you wanted to stand over the turntable and manually lift the needle, set the needle down, lift the needle, set the needle down, etc. Yep, been there, done that!

Anyway...

That favorite song of mine is next. I took the liberty of substituting Julie's name for Yoko's. (Forgive me, John...Julie was a big fan too!)



When Julie would go on her IEA-NEA trips and "phone home", I'd use one of the lines from the above song:

Julie and I would laugh about it.

Now?

Well, not so much...


And in conclusion...

Oops...I lied.

Senior moments are bad stuff!

The following song WAS supposed to be the "conclusion"...back when the title of this post was going to be "Three Years On".

Julie's spirit...to keep pushing forward...no matter what the obstacles...to enjoy the journey...to dance at every possible opportunity.

Heard a song on the radio about a year ago that seemed to capture that view of life. I was somewhat taken aback when I heard who the singer was...Hannah Montana??? Well, in reality...Miley Cyrus. I mean...Miley Cyrus???

Well, I admit being a closet "Daddy Cyrus" fan. Hey...Julie too!!!

But, I thought..."Hannah Montana"? How cheesy is that???

Well, I still like the song and think it captures the essence of Julie. (Maybe a young Julie...not slutty, as critics charge Miley...just young!)

Anyway...

The song is "The Climb":



The End!

Well, we learned long ago that when I announce "The End"...


The title to this post...

"In the Pink Too"

Where was the "pink"?

HEY!

There was the reference to the singer "Pink" and my intended reprise of the "Who Knew?" song/posting from December 2008.

Well, that would be lame!!!

Rachel would be ashamed to be linked to such a rip-off. Is that the best you can do?

Okay, okay!

How 'bout...


All right...

...you have been a patient audience.

Let's pull this whole story together and see if it was worth your time and trouble!


First of all, a disclaimer...

You will have to trust me on this...I do NOT make this stuff up! I simply write a narrative that allows the facts to flow in their naturally occurring sequence. All of this just happened...without any conscious knowledge on my part.

Okay, okay...you confirmed skeptics out there...you might argue that my subconscious drove all of this. Ain't no way for any of us to know. I do know that I did not put it together until I arrived home after placing the flowers at the cemetery and all of the events had already occurred. (BTW: I haven't left anything out because it didn't fit "the story" either. The only things I neglected to report were that I took a nap after the mail came and that I treated myself to fast food of the Long John Silver's variety on the drive home! So there...AGAIN!)

When I arrived home, I was still planning on writing a post entitled "Three Years On".

Then, out of the blue (nope, no pink sky tonight...at least that I saw. Hey...did anybody out there see a pink sky tonight? We could co-author this piece...can I get a witness???)

Where was I?

Oh, yeah...

Then, out of the blue, my original thought of reprising the singer Pink's "Who Knew?" song popped into my head...along with Rachel's "In the Pink" blog. That's when I first thought of "In the Pink Too". While I was pondering that thought, I went and retrieved the angel lamp out of the trunk of the car, brought it into the house, and plugged it in. That's when I first paid attention to the color of the dress the little girl was wearing...PINK! (And, for you skeptics, PINK was the only color the butterfly angel lamp came in! It's NOT that I consciously or subconsciously picked the pink one.)

As I was chuckling about the pink lamp, the aforementioned roses came to mind. What had attracted my attention to my purchase WAS a big fat red rose...but it was surrounded by 11 PINK roses. I had HONESTLY not paid any attention to that fact until standing in my living room almost two hours after the purchase.


And finally...

The Guideposts "angel mailing"...which is white and not pink. Yeah..."You said you would explain!"

Look back at the mailing...big and bold print..."Fill Your Year with Angels!"

Well...El Cheapo Ronnie...unable to bring himself to cut the cord off a $40 angel lamp...deciding to bring it home instead...a little "black" angel that will fill a room in his house...ALL YEAR!

With a PINK dress, no less.


Thank you, Julie!

Whatcha got planned for next year?